We’re going to say from the start that this may turn out to have been a hoax, but the Daily Mail have reportedly got hold of the list of songs and performers who’ll be taking part in the Olympic closing ceremony. And it’s, erm, interesting to say the least.
Alongside the already announced names such as Take That and The Who, the list claims that Jessie J will sing her song Price Tag, George Michael will make a rare public appearance and Russell Brand will sing cover versions of I Am The Walrus by The Beatles and Pretty Vacant by the Sex Pistols, assisted by Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders.
Annie Lennox, Madness and the Pet Shop Boys are also set to appear, playing their hits while lollipop ladies strip to reveal Union Jack swimming costumes.
Wait, what? Is this the Olympic closing ceremony or Comic Relief?
Oh dear, what can the matter be? Jessie J got locked in the lavatory. It seems The Voice coach had to be rescued from one of the backstage bogs when she went to see Kanye West and Jay-Z perform their Watch The Throne show in London.
Speaking to The Sun, Jessie said:
“I went with will.i.am to the first Watch The Throne show in London.”
Namedrop much, Jess?
“I somehow managed to find myself walking back stage with them all. Will, Kanye, Jay-Z, Kim Kardashian…”
Clang, clang, clang, clang….
“I was like ‘Wow, what a crew’, then me and my friend got stuck in the toilet. We nipped in to do our make-up and my friend knew the door was broken but locked it anyway and said, ‘Babe I think I’ve broken the door’. They’d been on for one song, we could hear them and it got to about 15 minutes and Jay’s security came in and they literally kicked down the whole door.”